Do You Want to Be on The Surreal Life Reality TV Show?

We have uncovered the application form and secret scoring key for the VH1 reality TV series The Surreal Life.

What does it take to join the ranks of such Hollywood luminaries as MC Hammer, Corey Feldman, Tammy Faye Bakker, Erik Estrada, Vanilla Ice, Ron Jeremy, Flavor Flav, Brigitte Nielsen, Jose Canseco, Bronson Pinchot and Carrot Top? Find out how they find they sort out the has-beens from the really has-beens.

Please take a moment out of your "busy" schedule to answer these questions.

What percentage of your income is derived from taking off your clothes?

None (-5 points)
Some (+5 points)
There are other ways to make money? (+10 points)

Have you ever recorded a song that inspired a dance/hairstyle/pants craze that was the coolest thing going... for about a month?

Yes (+10 points)
No

When was your last movie or television series?

Within the last 10 years
Over 10 years ago (+5 points)
I think it was the 1980's but I can't remember (+10 points)

When was your last movie or television series that anyone watched?

Within the last 10 years
Over 10 years ago (+5 points)
Does my mom count? (+10 points)

Have you ever been in a movie with Molly Ringwald?

Yes (+10 points)
No

Are you Molly Ringwald?

Yes (+100 points)
No

How would you describe your appearance?

Hot (+5 points)
Super hot (+10 points)
Kinda goofy, but I enjoy groping super hot people (+25 points)

How long ago was your last stay in a drug or alcohol rehab clinic?

Never (-5 points)
Within the last five years (+5 points)
What time is it now? (+10 points)

How soon do you expect to return?

Never (-5 points)
Probably around Surreal Life Episode 4 (+10 points)

How much provocation would you need to have a nervous breakdown on television?

It would take a life-changing event like the death of a loved one (-5 points)
Anything traumatizing might push me over the edge (+5 points)
If the waiter gets my order wrong, I become a sobbing hysterical wreck (+10 points)

Which of these behaviors are you prone to on television? (Check all that apply.)

Throwing tantrums (+5 points)
Public urination (+5 points)
Lighting fires (+5 points)
Lighting myself on fire (+10 points)
Skinny dipping (+10 points)
Sleeping with perfect strangers (+10 points)
Sleeping with former cast members of Perfect Strangers (+25 points)

Name of agent:

_______________________________
(If you no longer have an agent, list name of motel manager where you are currently staying.)

Thank you for taking the time to fill out our application for VH1's The Surreal Life reality television show. We will contact you shortly.